Oh the things you find. I don't normally write or talk much. I am not a very social person. I just can't get into the whole, talk, share, and explain with other people. Either I don't care enough or I don't think the other people care enough. Which leads to much introverting and avoidance of the general public. Now the small is the exact opposite of me. She needs the social interaction, lives for it, thrives on it. So there is thought number 1. Thought number 2 comes from that feeling of being at the bottom barrel, well if were going to be honest we are below the bottom of the barrel. We are so far below it, we can see China from the hole we are in. Which leads to thought number 3, what you find at the bottom.
Today it was the small things, like a nap. We both took one. Small and I. She really needed it, because well TIRED and I needed one because I work 3rd shift and Tired. I figured out somethings, laying there watching my small, sleep. Even though, I think and feel like I've hit the bottom, I haven't. No one is dead yet or in Jail. It's the small things.
But really since this is the first post there should be some sort of background right. The Who's, the What's and the Why's so to speak.
Let me introduce my cast of characters. There's me, I'm mom, or Auntie M depending on who you talk too ( I'm sure there are more names, but we will save them for polite company), next is Bunny the other half to my parenting DUO. He is the rock in this whirlpool, also the keeper of my sanity, and the reminder that in reality and in my brain are two separate things. Next on the list is Small. My mini me, she is just a smaller version of me if we are honest with each other. In looks, attitude and mouth. Finally we have the animals or the zoo as they are referred to enmass. The pup is RVD (the Von Dork) plus the Cats, Norris, Belle, and Fee the basement Kitty. Assorted fish and snails. Plus all the plants small and I grow.
Now that you have the names, let's go over the diagnosis. Because let's be honest, it's the reason why I am writing this. I need a place to vent, talk, discuss and just honestly let it all out (refer back to the anti-social problem). I have ADHD, OCD, Manic Compulsive Disorder, and multiple Traumatic brain injuries. I also have zero filter on my mouth. I don't lie for any reason, and cuss like there is no tomorrow. Forewarned is Forearmed right.
Now small is my special case. She was diagnosed with an extreme case of Frontal Lobe Disorder, and the is the umbrella label. Let's break that down even more, she has SPD (sensory processing disorder), ADHD (unmedicated), OCD, Speech Delay, Insomnia, Dyslexia (non-number related), ODD, Impulse Control Disorder, Auditory Processing Disorder, Generalized Anxiety and some sort of Reading issue that we are still testing for. With that list of things, no wonder I find the bottom of a barrel almost weekly.
I believe that covers the W's and back today shall we.
I let small have a sleepover last night (summer vacation and all). I don't let her do this often as sleep and Medicine schedule is very important. She wasn't gone far, just a few doors down to her friends house, as that is as comfortable as I can get right now. Normally on these nights, she gets next to no sleep. Which is expected it's a sleepover after all. But it makes for a very rough day following it, she is super tired, which makes all the issues she has seem a thousand time worse. I decided after melt down number bazillion that we were both going to take a nap. Instead of forbidding sleep overs, which after the first few times this happened was my natural instinct, take away the cause and it can't happen can it. But that wouldn't be fair to anyone, and she has enough things holding her back, I shouldn't hold her back too. So nap it is. I gave her the option of laying down in my bed (which is a special treat as I don't let her sleep in my bed unless we are both sick) I'm a firm believer in boundaries and my bed is one of those boundaries. We snuggle on the couch all the time. I'm not denying her the comfort or the snuggles, it's just not in my bed.
But today was one of those days that I think we both needed it. So off we both go, we got into our comfiest set of jammies and went to lay down. I sleep during the day all the time, as I work 3rd shift ( I changed my scheduled so I could have more daytime hours for appointments, Drs, therapies, sports, etc.) so my bedroom is the best place in the house for daytime sleeping. Into bed we climb, turn off the lights, turn on the Fan (a must for my sleeping) and snuggled under the covers, we talked for a minute or two about why we are napping and how to fix the grumpies, and then we both rolled over, as were both stomach sleepers to fall asleep. That's when I noticed, it she fidgets even in her sleep. It takes awhile for her to drift off, today she was rubbing her legs and feet together as if she was itchy. She would move her legs and arms up and down, under and over the pillow. After about 10 mins of doing this, I was ready to lose it, and banish her from the bed. But then I remembered that we both needed this, so I tried to think of a way to get her to calm long enough to fall asleep and that's when it came to me. She started a new OT program this week, and we had talked about firm pressure and weight might be a good thing to try to calm her. So that's what I did. I placed my leg over her legs and then my hand on her back with a firm pressure, enough that is was there, but not enough to be restrictive. Lo and Behold, homefry was asleep within 5 mins.
Who would have thought, we could have been doing this for years and she would have better sleep. Sometimes, I wonder why stuff isn't brought up earlier, I mean come on, everytime I bitch and complain about lack of sleep in this house, why hasn't anyone said, have you tried xyz and I can answer with a yes or no. If the answer is no well damn it I'm willing to try. And why am I willing to try just about anything because I spend so much time at the bottom of the barrel, it can only get better right.
But this brings me back to what I find at the bottom, which today is the little things. This little thing of adding weight to her so she can sleep better, and I found it and am willing to try it out while she sleeps in her own bed. Dr. Google is my friend and I started researching weighted blankets. And these things are things, BFD things. Like why haven't you been using these all along things. I'll tell you why I haven't been using them, because NO ONE FUCKING TOLD ME (oh yeah by the way I cuss, get over it), they haven't suggested it, brought it up, NOTHING. Which of course makes me angry, but I will get over it. I found a pattern for weighted blankets, I have a choice, make it my damn self, buy it on Etsy or order one from her therapy center as the owner makes them. Since my sewing skills are less then stellar though I keep trying. I might suck it up and try making it, unless of course I can buy and 8lb blanket then I can make it. But my cost of labor is a little different then most. I include my sanity it the cost of making things.
So that is what I found at the bottom today. How bout you? Did you find anything.
Until Next time. Namaste Bitches.
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