So I think I will just start of with some type of word type image of a saying that means something, or that I think small will benefit from. Sound like a plan, I guess we shall see how that works out.
This. Seriously seems like this house some days. Some days it is all about the drama and how to make a BFD out of every damn thing. Sigh but moving forward.
Let me bitch about my job and hours for a moment. I work 3rd. I know I have stated this before. But just for reference the only good thing about 3rd is the only people I normally have to deal with our drunks. Oh the stories I could tell. But that's not my problem. My problem is that I don't feel like I'm accomplishing a damn thing. So my dilema is this. Do I lose sleep to get shit done, or do I sleep and not get shit done. Some days it's easy. I wake up, feeling rested and I get up early, not early enough for some stores and businesses but early nonetheless to get things done around the house and spend some time with the family. I try to make all my normal business actions for my 2nd day off. That way I've had some sleep, I can be awake and interact with people without me wanting to kill anyone. So what to do. I don't know but I am trying. I'm trying so hard, I feel like I'm spinning wheels. My productivity has declined. I've been knitting the same hat for over a month now, I've lost my mojo. I used to be able to do all the thingz and still knit. What the heck am I going to do in the fall when school starts. Then I'll have assignments, and homework, Test, Quizzes, everything that goes along with college life. And that's just me. Small will be in 4th grade and she will have all that stuff, and I will need to stay on top of things to help her be successful. It stresses me out just thinking about it. I've done the math, people who work 9-5 jobs, and go to bed at a normal hour, have between 5 and 7 hours a day that they are not at work or not sleeping. How do I use those hours to my benefit. I can't stay up later after I get home from work, as that would take away from my evening hours with small and that is not acceptable. What to do What to do. So that aside
Lets talk about SPD and what we are doing. NOTHING. a big fat nothing. I bought her a weighted blanket this week. It's summer and pretty damn warm here. I'm afraid we are going to have to turn on the ac just so she is cool enough to use it. We currently have fans running in all the rooms, just to keep it a decent temperature. But I need to see if this blanket is working, and I don't know how to do that. She says she sleeps with it and she seems to be sleeping longer and waking up more restful. So those are seeming like benefits. I will take it. We are at a crossroads, group therapy is ending and we need to decide if we are going to continue with individual therapy or try to go it on our own for awhile. The internet is a great resource, but small has a hard time taking direction and instruction from us. So the questions I've been tossing around is do I shell out for more therapy, and keep my fingers crossed that we see improvement over this year, and not build a sensory play area for her hear at the house. Do I pay for both the play area and therapy, or do I just build the play area and hope she uses it. Another thing I need to find an answer to is how to get her to practice. She plays a sport. She hates to practice, and she has no friends that can practice with her as they don't play this sport. That's another what to do situation. Some days I feel as that all I have are what to do situations, and I don't fucking know what to do. Nothing I do some days feel likes it's going to be enough or the right thing.
Aghhhhhhhhhhh
So that is life at the bottom right now.
Be most excellent to each other.
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